parodies_r_usfandomcom-20200214-history
Cringey Fanfiction Parody (Where You're the Character!)
Author's Note: This was originally published on Wattpad, so the formatting may be a bit wonky. Apologies in advance. You are a really pretty girl between the ages of 13-18 who always gets good grades and is perfect all the time because of course you are. You're also very shy and introverted, because that's how all antisocial people who pretty much live on the internet are like. But then, one day, you and your best friend got invited to a big-time party that a lot of famous people will be attending! Also, your idol, (insert name of hot douche-bag), was also invited to the same party! What could possibly go wrong? It is now that you remember that you are not-so-good at parties because you, once again, are socially awkward and introverted! More importantly, though, you have nothing to wear! (Priorities, amirite?) Thankfully, your best friend, Becky, is more than happy to help! You and her go on shopping spree for the cutest clothes. Since you're used to wearing comfy hoodies and sweatpants, you feel very uncomfortable in the revealing dresses, push-up bras, and high-heels that your bestie assures that you look, "super-sexy and fierce" in. You don't feel so sure about that, but if the guys like this kind of stuff as much as Becky, who is the most popular girl in school and has plenty of boys drool after her, insists they do,then it must be so. While learning to walk in your four-inch heels, you wonder to yourself if (insert hot douche-bag) will notice how cute you look. (You know what, I'm getting tired of writing insert hot douche-bag all the time, so I'll just call him HD for short from now on.) Any way, the party is only a week from now, but you don't know how to dance or how to carry a conversation with multiple people! Once again, your bestie's got your back. You and Becky go through a Rocky-style training montage to get you out of your little turtle shell and to make your dance moves resemble something that is not a drunk chicken. Tonight is the night! It's finally Friday, and you are SO ready! All of the hard work and dedication you put into this will FINALLY pay off! You put on the little black dress and high heels that you got when Becky took you out shopping and take off, hitching a ride from an Uber. You arrive at the house and there are a TON of people! And not just any people, but famous and popular people! You find your buddy in a group of the most popular kids in school. You approach them with a certain kind of grace and confidence that you never had before. But then you stop, because you see HIM! HD! And then he looks at you... And smiles! "OMG! SENPAI NOTICED ME! ," you think to yourself in awe. This is amazing! Then he starts WALKING TOWARDS YOU! You swear your heart skips a beat! He smiles and says, "Hey, cute stuff! You come round here often?" All of the confidence that you had earlier has now faded away in his presence. Him talking to you is just too much! And so, you swoon right there and then. You feel a strong pair of arms catch you as your knees buckle and everything goes black... You are now, as it is implied, in the shoes of a rather attractive guy who has some very unattractive character traits. You had just arrived here to meet some cute girls and then possibly get lucky with those girls. And hey, that shouldn't be too hard, considering how you look and how many fangirls you have! It is now when you see one such girl who is standing stock still in the middle of the room and staring at you in awe. "Sweet! She must be one of my fangirls! And she's one of the cute ones!," you think to yourself, smiling her way. You then start walking towards her, thinking to yourself about how much fun you're going to have tonight. And then she faints. You catch her, wondering to yourself if she would be angry or terrified to wake up next to you. And then a blond girl yells out, "Hey! What happened to my friend?!" You recognize the blond girl as Rebecca, a very popular person who goes to Cliche Character High. Wait, if this is her friend, does that mean?... "How old is she?," you ask Rebecca. She puts her hands on her hips. "Under the age of consent! Now let me take her home, " she replies, reaching out for her friend. You hand her over, not wanting to catch a case. AUTHOR'S NOTE: We are now back to the perspective of the main character. You slowly wake up, your eyes fluttering open. You're in the arms of your bestie. "C'mon," she says, "I think that we ought to get you home now." "Okay," you reply, thinking that she's right and that parties aren't really your forte any way. And then you see HIM again! You make eye contact, and then start talking at a mile a minute. "OHMYGOSHICAN'TBELIEVETHATYOU'REHEREANDTHATIFINALLYGETTOMEETYOU!!!!," you squeal out, not taking any breaths or putting any spaces between words. You then go on and on about how amazing and handsome he is. He smiles a dazzling smile and then his head... Grows? Yes, it IS growing! It's not your imagination. You suddenly stop talking as his head suddenly begins resembling that of the Red Queen of Hearts in the Tim Burton version of Alice in Wonderland. "Go on," he says, and you do, both because you want to please him and because you're curious as to whether or not his head will get any bigger. And as you continue it does, seemingly blowing up like a balloon. It just keeps getting bigger... And bigger... And bigger, until... SPLAT! His head had gotten so big that it has now exploded, covering both you and everyone who was near him in blood and chunks of skull, hair, head meat, and brain matter. You shriek, having just seen your love's head explode in a violent, gorey, and deadly fashion. . . . It has been three weeks since the incident and it still scars your mind in vivid detail. You describe what happened to the therapist, hoping that talking about it will help you move on. The therapist shrugs and simply says, "Well if you ask me, it's his fault for getting such a big head about it."